Hello, I'm Mortimer Young of Forever Young Film Preservation.
First, I want to thank all of you who sent cards and letters
expressing concern after our plant explosion
outside of Wilmington, Delaware, June of last year.
Forever Young Films will no longer employ non-union labor, I can tell you that.
No casualties, no serious damage
outside of the loss of one Albanian coming-of-age film,
Smityu Joransik, or Smityu Finds a Pebble,
destroyed before it could be transferred to videotape.
We're posting the original script to our Web site, wwwforeveryoungfilms.net,
in the original Albanian.
Visit us if you can download Sutterlin text.
That aside, thanks to the Wilmington Fire Department,
who worked so heroically to save the entire Ma and Pa Kettle catalog,
and a personal thanks to emergency room doctor Nate Eisenberg.
I had no idea what prolonged exposure to plant fumes
had been doing to my cerebral cortex.
Where was I?
This evening's title, The Grand Lebowski,
is one of our greatest success stories.
Probably a title few of you are familiar with,
it was originally produced in the late '90s
by obscure PolyGram Films,
and slipped beneath the waves critically and commercially on its first release.
It then washed hither and yon in the corporate paroxysms
that shook filmdom during the catastrophic period of Synergy,
a period which saw Hollywood awash with money
from Japanese electronic giants, a large Canadian liquor concern,
and the French sewage processing conglomerate Vivendi.
Prints of the film had been languishing in a state of almost criminal neglect.
Here, for instance, is the hilarious toe scene
from an unrestored copy of the film.
Now, so far we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
What about the toe? Forget about the fucking toe!
Forever Young fieldworkers fanned out in search of undamaged reels.
Our international tip line
yielded a virtually pristine Italian-language print
from the palazzo of a Lombard collector.
After our technicians bathed this print
in our patented progressive alkalide solution
and then subjected it to a sonic jiggle bath,
look what emerged.
(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)
Glorious, isn't it?
Now all that was left to be done
was reassemble the original cast in the Forever Young studios
to dub the movie back into English.
Only John Goodman was unavailable.
His voice was recreated by master impressionist David Frye.
Now, so far we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
What about the toe? Forget about the fucking toe!
Wonderful.
"Forget about the fucking toe!"
By the way, did you know that in Italy this film was released as Mr. Marijuana
and was quite a success?
Well, we hope you enjoy The Grand Lebowski,
restored, rejuvenated and still smoking.
Until we see you again, this is Mortimer Young. Good night.